Krystal Aki Mizoguchi - suicide & the real tragedy

You must have read the sad news: an 18-year-old girl jumped to her death last Saturday. Two suicide notes were found and relationship problems are said to be the reason of her killing herself.

Very sad. She's still very young. Yes, she did not do well (at least not up to her expectation) like what she penned 2 months back (5 March 2011) as the last post of her blog, "Crash and Burn" (twitchytoes.blogspot.com).

That post was titled, "Dreams":
PSLE, I fucked up. Couldn't get into dream secondary school.
'O' Levels, I fucked up. Couldn't get a place in dream polytechnic course. Ended up transferring to YJC.

I got my dreams crushed again, after seeing my 'A' Levels grades yesterday. Bye bye to NUS FASS and NTU Humanities.

I already predicted my grades but it felt so real when I saw the statement of results.

It was depressing to browse the SIM GE programmes. Stuck with courses like accountancy and economics :(


Currently there have been 100 comments in this post with most were naturally saying "Rest in Peace". I believe it's more to the consolation of her loved one(s).

I do have a burning question to them, though. None of them noticed the change of her mood / behaviour prior to the sad day? Killing oneself is taking a lot of time & consideration: what suicide notes to write & to address to whom, suicide methods, day and time of suicide, etc...

All these deep, dark thoughts surely translated to the obvious, apparent change of her 'usual' self.

If one bothers to read through her blog (yes, surprisingly it's not kept 'private' yet), one can see the very first of her post, "Dysfunction" on 18 August 2010.

What seems a grim poem was included (Actually it's part of Eminem's song, "Love the way You Lie"):
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer


Also the disturbing part of her post:
I like having dysfunction in my life because somehow leading a screwed up life feels real. I don't crave for perfection. I'm not idealistic. I just want to live life and get over with it. I've no aims in life for now. Everyone's telling me to study, get a job, get married, have kids, blah blah blah. Basically, slog my entire life. What for? Why do I even exist when I don't even cherish life?


And...
I know I've hurt many with my actions. I know many have tried to help me. But what for, when I don't even freaking care? Sometimes I feel my parents deserve a more filial daughter; my brother deserves a more concerned sister; my boyfriend deserves someone better. I wonder why people don't give up on me when I'm so hopeless. I whine how fucked up life is but I don't do anything to make things happen. Maybe I should be left alone to wallow in self-pity till I die.


Yeah. Truly sad. And nothing we can do about it, except to offer a heartfelt condolence to her loved one(s) & to wish her to live a more fulfilling life in her next life! (Yes, she believed in Karma, by the way.)

An 18-year-old girl fell to her death in Ang Mo Kio Avenue 6 on Saturday evening.

Krystal Aki Mizoguchi, who was half Japanese, was found dead at the foot of her block at about 7.40pm at Blk 509, Ang Mo Kio Ave 6, reported Shin Min Daily News.

She is said to have fallen from her flat on the ninth floor and according to the Chinese daily, is believed to have committed suicide due to relationship problems.

Two suicide notes were reportedly discovered. Krystal, who was to turn 19 next month, was waiting to begin classes at a private university after finishing a five-month stint as a temporary clerk at the Ministry of Education.

According to her blog, the Yishun Junior College student grew up in a single-parent family and has been living with her 17-year-old brother for three years in her current three-room flat. Her parents are believed to be separated.

Krystal is also known to have begun dating from 13 years old and since then neglected her studies.

A scan of her Facebook page revealed several cheerful photos of herself in what seemed to be a usual teenager's life.

But the last entry on her blog, dated March 5 earlier this year and which was entitled "Crash and Burn", spoke of her broken dreams after poor A-Level exam results.

From Yahoo! News, "Teenage girl falls to her death at Ang Mo Kio".

PS. 'Orton' effect was applied for her Facebook photo featured in Yahoo! News.

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