To those of you asking...

Why am I still single?
Well, I'll echo everything that Ali Smith wrote in her blog...

I am. Still single, that is. Today I was asked why. Well… I don’t know! It’s not that I have chosen to BE single. But I guess you could say I have made choices that have perpetuated my current single status. What do I mean by that?

Well, I am open to meeting new people. And I do. It’s just that there hasn’t been a strong enough of a ‘connection’ with any person yet to pursue anything past friendship.
Let me back up. What even constitutes having a ”connection” with someone? I was asked this very question today by the producers of Channel NewsAsia’s Blog TV. The exact wording I think was “What would a guy have to do to impress you so that you would say yes to him?”

If you would have asked me this question five years ago – at age 21 (yes, I just gave away my age!) – my answer probably would have been something like, “He must be tall, handsome, with a good job, nice car, likes to take me out to nice places…etc.” Hold on, before you make any judgements, hear me out.

My answer TODAY was something like, “To me, it's not so much about what he does, but who he is as a person. I am not looking for a certain income bracket or job title – though these things can be indicative of certain qualities. But I look more for things that speak of his character and perspectives on life. In other words, do we have shared values? How does he view his work? How does he treat others? How does he spend his time? What does he prioritize and why?”

So what was it that caused my answer to change over the years? Experience. I’ve entered into relationships for the reasons listed in my first answer – based more on the externalities of a person. They may have been fun for a while, but fizzled out probably because the connection wasn’t based on the things listed in my second answer. I have found a relationship is most fulfilling when it is based on internal qualities, or who the person is. And I am still on the journey of discovery…clearly, being that I am still single! :)

In a nutshell, I am learning the importance – when deciding whether to date a person – to consider the long-term view. I try and ask whether there is enough of a ‘connection’ with the person first, before I dive head over heels into a relationship. Sometimes, it's easy to let emotion and externalities overrule and then later discover we really don’t have that much in common after all! And that’s not so easy on the heart. Trust me. :-(

- Still Single?, Ali Smith (August 24, 2010)


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